Disclaimer: Not the Rowling, not the Kanzaka.


Slayers is a series of light novels, anime, and manga with epic fantasy themes, somewhat like Dungeons & Dragons in feel; the original light novels ran from 1989 to 2000. For a reasonably good in-depth description, check the Wikipedia page. I see no reason to suspect that there weren’t students diligently producing scanlations back in 1989, that the young Harry Potter could have got his hands on.

I personally have only seen the anime (so far!), so I have to make the assumption that the characters and spells made it from the light novels to the anime essentially intact.

I was considering explaining the spells in author’s notes, but it’s probably best to direct readers to the reference I’m using: http://inverse.org/e/bkg/magic/cats.shtml

Oh and by the way: little girl alone in a big, bad city. Nothing much happens, but some nasty things are talked about. You have been warned.

“Hello.”  :  voice.
“Hello.”  :  voice over phone, radio, TV...
‹Hello.›  :  thought.
Hello.  :  spellcasting.


BAIT! Lina invades London!

“Call. Me. Lina.

Harry’s Aunt Petunia flinched as her transformed nephew hissed into her face, rage twisting the now-girl’s features. Lina’s anger was so strong, Petunia felt as if ice water was flooding into her veins. She was about to break down in terror, when thirteen stone of salvation waddled to her rescue.

“Mummy, is the freak ready yet? What’s taking so— MUMMY! You leave Mummy alone!

Lina jumped back from Petunia, landing to face Dudley. She raised her arm and made a twisting gesture with her hand, causing a ball of energy to appear above it. “Back. Off,” she commanded. Dudley tripped as he jumped back, and slid down the wall to collapse on the floor, his eyes wide with shock.

“Don’t you dare,” croaked Petunia. She coughed, straightened herself up, then tried again. “Don’t you dare harm my Diddykins!”

Lina raised an eyebrow at her. “Or...?” The energy ball flared ominously.

Petunia’s face crumpled, tears collecting in her eyes. “Please... just don’t. He’s all I have.”

Lina sighed, remorse flitting briefly across her face. “All right. But I don’t think living here is going to work from now on. Time we moved on, yes?”

“You can’t,” whispered Petunia. “They made me promise...”


“The ones who left you here. The other fr— the other ones, like your parents. Like you. You have to live here.”

“Others... like me? Why here?”

Petunia sighed. “I don’t know. Something to do with you living with family. I’m all that’s left, since Lily died.”

“So you were supposed to take Harry in, keep him safe?” Petunia nodded. “You didn’t do a very good job, did you?” The energy ball flared again.

Petunia flinched. “We never wanted you...”

“That doesn’t excuse—” Lina cut herself off, then sighed. “Never mind. I could spend the next few hours ranting about how unspeakably evil you’ve been to Harry, but I doubt you’d really listen. So I’ll just get his things — oh wait, he doesn’t have any. We’ll just leave, okay?” Petunia nodded jerkily, and Lina let the energy ball evaporate. She turned and fixed Dudley with a glare. “Goodbye, cousin dearest. Enjoy your birthday.” Seeing him flinch at the venom in her voice, she cackled, then turned to leave.

“Wait,” said Petunia. Lina turned to see her take her purse from her handbag, and pull out a handful of notes. “It’s all I have on me,” she said, thrusting the money at Lina.

“Discharging the last of your responsibilities?” said Lina, smirking as she took the cash. “Well, don’t worry. I’ll take care of Harry from now on. You’ll never need to think of us again.”

Petunia nodded, then Lina turned and let herself out of the house.



In a castle, in a hidden valley in the Highlands of Scotland, a contraption of silver wires gave off a piercing whistle and began spinning madly. As the owner of the device was away (at the Inverness Rollerbowl, practising the spin needed to recover from a seven-ten split) it was left to his phoenix familiar to deal with the situation. Which it did, by waddling over to the shrieking device, kicking it off the shelf, then dropping books on it ’til it stopped.



‹Thirty-five pounds, is that all she could spare?› Lina shrugged. ‹Well, we’ll just have to leave a little thank-you note...› She walked over to Vernon’s beloved car, rolled her shoulders, and looked around. ‹No-one paying any attention, good...› She laid both hands on the vehicle, and whispered, “Blast Wave”. Energy surged through the car, ripping a path through the bodywork until it collapsed into two pieces.

Resisting the urge to cackle out loud, Lina grinned and started on the walk to the nearest shopping centre. The sound of a young boy giggling echoed through her mind.



Lina’s first priority was to get at least one decent set of clothes. Fortunately the local charity shop had a couple of t-shirts that layered nicely, a pair of leggings, and a light jacket that didn’t drown her like Dudley’s sweatshirt; while a small supermarket supplied a three-pack of panties and a cheap pair of plimsolls, as well as a pre-packaged sandwich and a couple of bags of mixed fruit and nuts.

Unfortunately, that all came to nearly thirty pounds.

‹Right... first things first. I’d better get changed; can’t expect to go places looking like this.› There was a cheap café a few doors down; Aunt Petunia had always turned her nose up at the place, but it would do nicely for Lina’s needs. The woman behind the counter took her order for a cup of tea (another fifty pence gone), and waved vaguely at the rear of the room when asked about a toilet. A couple of minutes later, all of Dudley’s oversized cast-offs were shoved in the bottom of the plastic bag, and Lina examined herself in the fly-blown mirror. ‹Okay, not looking too bad now.› She fluffed her hair out a bit, then went out to collect her tea.

‹So,› she thought as she leaned back, cradling her cup, ‹there are others like us out there somewhere. We should probably try finding them.› There was a tingle of excited agreement from Harry, quickly overridden by apprehension. ‹But since some of them were responsible for putting Harry with the Dursleys, I’d better get into a position of some strength first.› She sat up again. ‹Either way, things will go better in the city. We should have enough left for a train ticket.›

Lina downed her tea, and headed out to the railway station.



Harry had never been allowed to go into the city before, so Lina was completely unprepared for the vast, glittering cavern that was Paddington Station. She flitted about for several minutes, drinking in the various sights and sounds of one of London’s larger stations. Finally her lack of money — especially in comparison to the prices of the myriad foodstuffs available from the different vendors — began to wear on her, and she headed out the large main entrance.

Outside, the view was rather less impressive. Although several of the buildings had suitable sandstone or limestone frippery around the windows, they were predominantly made of dingy, utilitarian bricks; and the one or two modern buildings were depressingly similar to those back in Little Whinging’s shopping centre. Spotting a gap in the traffic, Lina darted across the wide road outside the station, and started down a narrower, though still busy street. At least the houses here had nicely-painted brickwork, and the shops in the ground floor were well-kept and enticingly stocked.

‹Why are they all restaurants and food shops though?› complained Lina to herself as her stomach grumbled loudly. ‹And why’s it called London Street?› she continued, distracted by the street sign on one of the buildings. ‹We’re in London, aren’t we?›

She walked on, crossing other streets, as restaurants gave way to hotels, then to houses.

‹It’s all a bit too posh though,› she noted. ‹Where do people go to get mugged in this city?›



After walking for nearly five miles over the best part of three hours, and having discarded Hyde Park (‹Maybe once it’s dark; it’d do if we have to sleep rough›), the Regent Street area (‹So that’s Fortnum and Mason. We are definitely coming back with money.›), Soho (‹It’s supposed to be dodgy! When did it turn into yuppie heaven?›), and Trafalgar Square (‹Pickpockets aren’t worth our time. And neither is that museum; we don’t know any fences. Yet.›), Lina finally crossed the Thames at the Westminster Bridge, and saw...

‹Riverside pathway, doesn’t look too well-lit, running underneath the bridges... that should do!› Spotting a grassy area just downstream, she took the stairs down to the riverside and went over to find somewhere nice to sit while she waited for nightfall.



Darkness had fallen, and the hordes of tourists had largely dispersed. Thanks to a hamburger vendor taking pity on Lina as he closed down for the night, she wasn’t feeling too hungry, but the last of her money had gone on some bottled water.

Lina had secreted herself in a dark corner in the girders under the Westminster bridge. With the city beginning to quiet down, the chimes from the Elizabeth Tower clock could be heard clearly. Big Ben had already rung midnight, and the lesser bells were tolling the first quarter, when she heard rough-sounding voices from further up the path. Just as the last bell faded to silence, there was a muffled cry, and a crumpling sound as something heavy fell to the pavement. There was a cruel chuckle, then two voices in low muttered conversation.

‹Showtime,› thought Lina, as the two began walking under the bridge, towards her hideout. Two older men, dressed shabbily (and somewhat oddly), congratulating each other on a successful night’s work. She waited until they had just passed beneath her, then used Levitation to float down and land silently behind them.

“Bandits are the same everywhere,” she said loudly. “Hand over your—”

The two men jumped as she began to speak, spinning to face her and pulling something (‹Weapons?›) out of their sleeves. Lina changed tack immediately. “Flare Bit!” Dozens of balls of light sprang from her hands and swarmed the two men, each bursting against its target with the force of a heavy punch. Disoriented by the pummelling, the men fell to the ground, arms up in an attempt to shield their heads.

Lina cackled. “As I was saying, hand over your valuables, and it won’t go too badly for you.” One of the men groaned, and began fumbling in his clothes. Lina bent over him, not noticing the stealthy movements of the other.

Imperio!” A wave of fuzzy calmness washed over Lina. What was she doing again?

“Get up you idiot,” snarled the spellcaster to his companion, pulling himself to his feet. “Just who are you, missy?”

“Lina Inverse,” she mumbled.

“That’s no wizarding name. Looks like we’ve found another mudblood. Two for the price of one, eh?”

“A bit scrawny, but not bad-looking,” said the other man. “Can we keep her? It’s been a while since we’ve had some decent fun.”

“You’re sick, you know that?” said the first. “She’s what, ten years old at most? You should at least wait until they’re bleeding.”

Anger started to spike in Lina’s mind, but the soothing blanket of the Imperius muffled it.

“Oh, she’ll be bleeding, don’t worry about that,” leered the second. “We’ll have lots of fun with you, little Lina.”

“All right, let’s go then.” The first man grabbed Lina by the arm and twisted. She felt a squeezing sensation as the world vanished...



When her senses returned, Lina found herself in a dimly-lit room with dark wood panelling on the walls. Her captor released her arm as the second man popped into existence beside them.

“All right, she’s all yours. Do you want me to keep her under?”

“Yes please. I’d rather get a good start, let her know what she’s in for, before letting her fight back.”

“All right. Lina, you’re going to do everything my friend here asks you to do, and you’re going to enjoy it. Do you understand?”

‹Of course. I live to obey.› She nodded. Somewhere inside her, a young boy was screaming.

The second man licked his lips in anticipation. “All right Lina, take off your top please. Let me see you properly.”

‹No, Lina! Don’t! Snap out of it!› Lina smiled and slowly stripped out of her t-shirts, revealing her smooth skin and tiny, perky breasts. “Beautiful,” sighed the man, stepping closer.

‹Lina, wake up! WAKE UP!

‹What? NO! Regaining her control, Lina brought her knee up as hard as she could, catching the man solidly between the legs. He went down with an almost inaudible whine. Turning, Lina gestured to the first man, and shouted, “FLARE BIT!” Again the man was pummelled to the ground. “I’m sixteen, you idiot! BLAST ASH!” Instantly, the man’s body collapsed into a pile of dust. Lina turned back to the groaning man on the floor. “As for you...”

“Please, don’t hurt me,” whimpered the man on the floor. “I only wanted to play...”

“Play, you call it?” Fire burned in Lina’s eyes. “All right then, you can play with my little friends. Dark Claw!”

Dozens of shards of magic flew out, shaped vaguely like small birds or giant insects. They swarmed around the pleading man, slicing into the flesh and bones of his arms and legs, whittling them down to stumps. Just before he passed out from pain and blood loss, a cluster of shards took his head off.

Lina was ready to collapse in exhaustion, but was quickly roused by another voice.

“Oh dearie dearie, such a mess. What to do?”

Lina snapped her head around, searching out the voice. “Who’s there?”

A tiny creature with enormous eyes and ears appeared from behind an armchair. “I is Mandy, missy. You is killing bad master and his brother.” She paused, looking pensive for a moment. “Mandy must punish herself for not stopping you.” She tapped the back of her right hand twice with her left forefinger. “Bad Mandy.” She smiled up at Lina. “Missy is a great witch.”

“First off, I’m a sorceress, not a witch, and my name’s Lina.” She grabbed up her t-shirts and pulled them back on.

“Miss Lina is a great sorceress. What is you doing now?”

“Um... what do you mean?”

“You is conquering. You can be claiming all bad master’s property. Mandy is bad master’s property.”

Lina pondered for a moment. “I think I understand. What was ‘bad master’s name?”

“He was being Morsus Umbridge. His brother was being Turpis Umbridge, but Morsus was being head of family so his conquering is what mattered.”

“All right then.” Lina squared her shoulders, and declaimed, “I, Lina Inverse, assert right of conquest over all goods and chattels of Morsus Umbridge, and hereby claim them in the name of Harry Potter.”

Mandy’s eyes widened at this, but she whispered, “You must be saying, ‘So mote it be’.”

Lina nodded and went on, “So mote it be!

A bright aura flashed around Lina. It sent out tendrils, which scouted around the room and out through the walls. One of them bathed Mandy in its light for a moment, leaving her standing straighter and looking more healthy and robust.

“Mistress Lina is truly a great sorceress,” breathed Mandy.

“Thanks,” said Lina, blushing. “But I’m also a bit—” Her stomach growled loudly, finishing her sentence for her.

“Be coming this way please, mistress,” said Mandy, gesturing to a heavy wooden table at one end of the room. She snapped her fingers, and several silver platters appeared, carrying a wide selection of meat and vegetable dishes.

“Excellent,” said Lina, practically teleporting herself into a chair. “Now, that pair were the first magical types I’ve ever met — as far as I know anyway — so if you could tell about yourself and your world...?”

To be continued...

Oh dear... Lina is not a ‘nice’ person, and is rather hardened to the misfortunes of life. Even so, the emotional backlash from this incident will hit her once she has a chance to wind down; but I won’t be going into too much detail.

Harry Potter is just about to turn eleven. Lina Inverse is sixteen, at the start of the series, so the body and mind Harry subconsciously created have that age. However, Lina is rather under-endowed, and is often mistaken for a child, much to her consternation.

When I said not to expect updates too often, I wasn’t meaning for it to be this long! However, real life intervened, and the story grew legs and ran away from me. So forget that ‘one chapter per year’ nonsense; they would need to be very long chapters indeed, and I’m trying not to do that with this story. I’m also removing the ‘spamfic’ warning from the top, and may need to reconsider its classification...