Mad Elf's Problem Page

I have trouble making friends (again)...

dear mad elf,

i dont know if you help vampires, but here is my problem. as a fairly normal toreadore i seem to have trouble making friends - people run away when i come close and no-one will look at me. this is bad because i love people and want to ea... sorry, be friends.

yours,

the Sculptress

Mad Elf replies...

Of course I help vampires! Some of my best customers are vampires; angst seems to come with the territory.

You would appear to have something of a 'personal problem'. Usually this would mean bad breath or BO, but Vampires aren't known for having such things. Perhaps you have an unusual appearance? You might consider taking some beauty treatments; if that doesn't do the trick, a bit of practice with Mask of a Thousand Faces is bound to.

(An invaluable aid with this sort of project is a sympathetic friend; someone who will tell you the truth without hurting you. It would be completely inappropriate to eat such a person!)

It might, of course, be a problem with your social skills. If you are in the habit of gushing 'I love you!' at people when you first meet them, it's not surprising that they're turned off. Perhaps you should take up another hobby, one which would allow you to meet new people: yoga classes, or bridge, or somesuch. Staying indoors making models out of body parts isn't conducive to making new friends.

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