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Situation vacant...

Dear Sir,

I was wondering if you would be aware of any vacancies for experienced ladies' maids. I find myself somewhat dissatisfied with the conditions of service under my current employer. A position with a mature lady would be ideal, given that most of my present trials stem from the immaturity of my mistress.

For example, a mistress who keeps company with: sailors; women of easy virtue; drunkards; thieves; assassins; gamblers; followers of questionable religions; students; adventurers; and any other rogues or ruffians of a similar nature would not be suitable.

Further, I would prefer that any prospective employer have an appropriate sense of modesty concerning her dress, manners and deportment. However, a learned employer with broad and active interests would, I believe, find my skills, experience and demeanour to be complimentary to their habits.

Any assistance you could would be gratefully received,

Yours Sincerely,

Miranda

P.S. Travel no object.

Mad Elf replies...

It is a shame that you feel you must leave your current employ, although I am somewhat amazed that you have remained with your mistress this long. I may indeed be able to find you a suitable position - in fact, I may even be able to offer you a choice of employers. Your willingness to travel makes the task easier, although you may find yourself moving rather further than you may imagine. Let me see...

There is a lady currently domiciled on the planet Mars who, I believe, has recently lost her maid. Although young in years, she has a mature demeanour and keeps the best company. She has an active life, with interests in travel and experiencing the wonders of other lands, cultures (and planets). Perhaps she is not entirely suitable, however, for although she is not an adventuress, fate has occasionally placed her in some awkward situations - as her previous maid is sadly unable to attest.

Alternatively, I know of an elderly lady, once active but alas now bedridden, who is in need of a companion in the last years of her life. She lives alone with few servants, and has no living relatives to care for her. In her youth she amassed a wealth of tales and anecdotes, as well as interesting, rare and valuable souvenirs, in her travels in some of the wilder areas of her world. I am sure you would find her company most amenable.

On the other hand, you could consider more drastic measures. If the life your mistress leads is so dissolute, it must only be a matter of time before she falls prey to the perils of the world... an outcome which could be gently assisted by one close to her. I am sure you can arrange matters to ensure your future comfort.

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