Mad Elf's Problem Page

I have trouble making friends...

All right you m***erf***er,

I've been told you might be able to help me with a little problem I'm having. I can't make any friends.

It's not like I don't try, but every time I get close to friendship with anyone they either turn into a bloody corpse, or I find myself having sex with them; normally the former. I am 19 years old, 6'3" (all the others in my village are 5'4" max), 36DD, blonde, with long legs: what's my problem?

Yours hopefully,

Frija Gustavsdottir
Champion of the Hillmen of Thorwalia

Mad Elf replies...

Well. Your problem is one I have encountered before, and it's quite easy to solve. You sound like the sort of self-assured, aggressive person who makes it difficult for people to get close to you, especially if you are a lot taller than most of the people you meet. However, solving that problem (by being 'softer' and more approachable) may not be the best way to go about things in your case. Given your line of work, it would be best for you to seek out the company of people like yourself - especially those who are competent in combat situations! There's no point in hanging around with arrow-fodder; they never last long enough to get to know properly.

As for the sex thing, some people don't have a problem with having sex with their friends. Why is it a problem for you?

By the way, one thing you may have to correct is this business of starting conversations with 'all right you m***erf***er'. It's not exactly endearing...

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