Mad Elf's Problem Page

Problems with a lodger...

Dear mad elf,

I was hoping you could help me with what I consider to be a most serious problem. Recently, a friend of mine asked me to look after a friend of his - the lady in question's native Chicago no longer being safe for her. Naturally, I agreed. Now, since she has arrived in the dear green place, she has proven extremely difficult to care for, not least because of her predilection for finding and causing trouble.

Make no mistake: I am not unfond of the young woman. But she consistently asks me to perform acts with her that I would feel most uncomfortable performing, that I have repeatedly informed her are not proper given our respective roles (that of guardian and ward). How can I make clear to her how I stand on this issue? That I will not partake of her particular delights? I have no wish to lose her as a friend (that would make protecting her so much more difficult), yet I fear that the winds of fate blow that way.

In short, how do I protect her more efficiently whilst keeping her at an appropriate distance?

Yours sincerely,
truth@bedlam.com

~~

"If English made any sense at all, trust would be a four letter word."

Mad Elf replies...

I know who you're talking about. She's written to me too. A *lot*. You have two choices if you want her to be happy and stay your friend. Either *you* do the fang thang with her, or let someone *else* do it. (And no kicking the door down halfway through, either.) She's really into it, you know?

Trust me on this. Keep the kid happy. She might prove useful, and you *really* don't want to see her with a full mad on.

~~

"OK. We live for the One, we die for the One. But we're *not* doing *that* for the One!"

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